A journal dedicated to the following people:
Well, I was searching for stamps around dA when I read your comment...
Your words entered into my heart and made the difference. Your words encouraged me to not be afraid to be myself, to try new things, to not be so insecure, to risk more, to not be so rigid with myself, to go on and put an end on the empire of the "fear" in my life.
You...Yes, you...You really "saved" me.
You may be dumbfounded for this declaration and asking with him/herself: "What the heck are you talking about, dude ? I don't even know you. "
However, let me explain myself:
I suffer from serious self-esteem issues since I was a teenager. Due to bullying, some really stupid things I did in the past, loneliness, a pinch of repression and many financial difficulties, my self-esteem got very crippled along the time.
With this "disease", it came others: envy, excessive fear, insecurity, submission, hyper sensibility, inferiority complex and even a slight depression.
And guess when I fully realize that I had these things ? It was when I was entering the adulthood, approximately 5 years ago! At this point, my heart was hurting a lot, as if I was hit by a gunshot in point-blank range.
Inside me, I was feeling myself like I was the worse person in the world: talentless, hurt, devastated, incomplete, empty, frustrated, alone and lost. Any comment, any comparison, any inferiority feeling and even an "innocent" criticism was fatal, as someone hold my heart and proceeded to "squeeze" it with an incredible strength. It hurt a lot, however, I've bought books and even researched on the Internet to find an "instant cure" to this "disease". Heck, I even resorted to my former religion (Christianism, which only made things worse, as if it teaches you to sacrifice your self-esteem and screw it even more) but it seemed it would be a really slow process, a painful "scar" that only Time could heal.
As time went by, the disease slowly got less painful, however, I felt myself like if I was in a wheelchair, and every time I tried to walk on my own, I always had a meeting with "Mr. Ground". I've read two of these so called "self-help" books, which helped me to get better to some extent. Currently I'm 24 years old (will make 25 next September 12nd), and my self-esteem kinda improved, however, the pain and the scars were still there, inside me, and I was still insecure and afraid of live.
Thankfully, you helped me to find the answer, which "illuminated" me. Your words, mixed what I've learned along my "self treatment" made me realize that I......I can't be afraid to live my own life and be proud to have a personality. You made me belief in a better tomorrow, to keep my smile, to keep my head up, to belief more in myself. And I'm happy that there's still people in deviantART that likes to do his/her best to help others. Not by interest, but to simply see other people happy and satisfied, no matter who he/she is.
All in all, thank you for your words of encouragement.
Just adding: since I was a kid, I never had the opportunity to learn to draw from zero, let alone improve it, which made me always thought that I couldn't draw worth bolognas and therefore I never cared to learn about it, as I've always seen it as a "waste of time". Moved by the envy, I've even came to the point to consider myself "talentless", that I had no skill whatsoever, however, as we grow and became mature, both in size and mentally, we start to learn and discover new things, and thanks to people like you, I realized that "predestination" and "gifts" only exist in fictional stories and that talent is composed by hard work, effort, determination, an open mind, will to power and will to learn.
Yeah, yeah, I'm now a writer now but that doesn't mean I won't try to learn to draw when I get a chance. Yes sir/ma'am I will! Because nothing prohibits you to learn other things beyond those you already know, does it ?
Anyways, to end this long-ass journal: it's kinda ironic how the Literature, one of my "struggles" to have a better self-esteem, not only accomplished its purpose in my life but also put me in this situation, where my fears and insecurities were confronted by simple but effective words and "stamps", which were the "shakes" that my desolated world needed.
This is just the beginning, I know. I won't change instantly, like in fairy tales. That's a process, but it's good to know that I'm not alone in this walk.
I'm aware that you are a human being, with limitations and stuff, however, I consider you my hero/heroine, and I'm thankful for have been "saved" by you.
Sincerely, Cleiton, a.k.a.
"I'd like that the human being believed that there's inside him a force able to change his life. It's good to trust in himself and await a new dawn." ~ Janete Clair (April 25, 1925 – November 16, 1983)
"All my dreamers, all my believers, tomorrow leaders.
If you been dreaming for all your life
This is your chance
Everybody is a star.
It don't matter who you are, no.
Keep on reaching for your dreams
Cuz it ain't crazy as it seems
We are calling all the dreamers
We are calling the believers
Looking for the big achievers
Keep on reaching for your dreams" ~ "Own It" by Black Eyed Peas - www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRIv9f…
"So when the pain is all aroundI know how bad you may feel
Keeping your feet on the ground
May be the best way to heal
Then time will bring you the perspective of a better day
Where things can be okay
When life will deal another brand new hand of cards to play
With nothing more to lose
Life can be what you choose
Keeping your dreams alive
Will make the wishes come true
Keeping your dreams alive
Will bring the best yet in you
All you need to find is your chance to start
If the truth about life is adjustable
You can shape it the way that you want the world to see
Just make it believable
Anything that you want can be possible
You must be all the changes you want your world to be
Whatever plans you may have
I know they're coming your way
No one can take it away
Your life begins today!" ~ "Adjustable by John Kip - www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5LoSj…
"[...]We’re all different. No one is perfect. The key is to stop trying to be perfect for others to accept you. People should accept you for the way you are and if they don’t then SCREW THEM. That’s their fault. Not yours.[...]" ~ MaliceInWickedland
"I'm not trying to make a big social statement with this stamp, but I do feel it's a sentiment that's important to remember. I see so many hurt feelings because someone the person looks up to (or feels is their superior) doesn't like their work...or doesn't like them personally. I think we should look to others for support and guidance, but we should not tie-up our worth and self-esteem on what someone else thinks of us. Value opinions, but don't let them make or break you. Particularly with art, do what you love. Learn from the critiques, but don't let them destroy you.
This is a lesson I try to live by, but find myself forgetting from time to time. " ~
"I’m frustrated with seeing other artists, especially ones I look up to, post something and then do nothing but whinge about how much it sucks and they hate it, etc etc.
I CALL BULLPOOP. If you really hate something, you don’t post it online for millions of people to see. Self-critique, asking for critique, healthy humility—all good. False modesty, fishing for compliments, pathological low self-esteem—bad. So knock it off." ~
"I've seen this way too often. People saying "Sorry this sux lol." Or "MY ART SUCKS. FORGIVE ME." Or just "it sucks." In general in the artist comments.I don't think people realize that this is the number one thing you should never say about your art, no matter how good or bad you are. Practice is all it takes. I swear by it. And if you say you suck, not only are you asking for a pity party which annoys people, but it really makes you sound less credible as an artist. People will NOT take you seriously if you think so lowly about your art.
No one will want to buy commissions from you if you have low self-esteem about your art. Nor will they want to work with you. It's the way it is. Either you stop, or continue to be annoying as fuck to your friends and people around you.
Please stop saying that phrase.
EDIT: Just because one says they suck doesn't mean they should say they are the AWESOMEST ARTIST EVUR. I dislike it both ways. Just accept that you draw and practice. That is all. I'm not advocating arrogance." ~
"If you flip out over something as innocent as constructive criticism, then I think you should really leave deviantART. Art is all about improvement, and no-one in the world is perfect.
Is it because you expect instant ass-kissing in the Critique box and comments section? Well, maybe your fanbase (if you're one of those Deviants who have managed to get a decent following), will constantly praise your work, but others will try to give you concrit. Take their words as a compliment as to how to improve your art.Is it because you think your art is "perfect" from the first try? Please get a reality check, because it probably sucks. (No offence.) Some artists draw multiple pictures of a drawing before they create a finalised version.
I had to learn how to accept criticism when I posted my fanfics on FanFiction.Net. I admit it, I didn't feel proud of myself when I first got concrit, but I learnt to accept it.
To be honest, I think you have to learn how to take concrit for the internet itself, and life in general. If you can't accept criticism on dA, then I worry about how you would react in the real world..." ~
"But anyway. About the stamp. I made this mostly because half the people I meet say "OMG ur so arrogant" and the other half say "OMG u hav such low self esteem feel better about urself!!1!!!"
I don't think either of them are really accurate, but they both can seem accurate at times, so I made a stamp to reflect that."
"I know exactly what you're talking about. It also goes another way for me, though: when I admit to being not very good at something, people think I have low self esteem. But when I admit to being good at something, they accuse me of bragging. In reality, I just know what my talents are and what I'm doomed to fail at. And I'm OK with that. You can't be good at everything." ~
"Hate to break it to the drooling masses, but getting faced with what youre doing wrong is the quickest way to make it better." ~
"And this is why I live by the idea of "Everyone can draw, it takes hard work, pain, annoyance, more pain, hours of epic failure, and time to become an epic artist, cause even the great artists sucked at one time."" and "All art is unfinished this is because one is always improving their talent" ~
Anyone can draw, just some better than others." ~
"Everybody can draw.But if you think you can't draw, you can't.
There's the logic!" ~
"It's kinda hilarious that people say "If you can't draw then why are you here?" which they should know that drawing isn't the only kind of art form dA allows.
Drawing takes time. I'm not that great of a drawer either, but I practice to get it improve. Though, I don't have anything against those who can't draw, and gave up practicing. There are many more forms of art out there people can try out." ~
"Everyone can draw at all (:. Just must to practice, practice and practice! ^-^ It isn't easy and very time consuming, but after a year or two of practice, you can see effects C: . Year ago i too think i can't draw." ~
"You can draw! Just practice really much! Everyday! My apologies if you don't have any hands." ~
"Actually, I'm pretty sure I remember reading somewhere about a guy who did pretty amazing paintings with his feet.
So having no hands isn't even an excuse. Practice!" ~
"I like this, because there are people here who can't draw worth a crap, but their photography or other forms of art are absolutely breathtaking.
(this is actually a comment for the benefit of the people who don't get that there are other types of artists in the world)" ~
"I always thought you should draw for yourself, not for others. You should practice to be better, but for yourself. I guess some people just give up and reffer to the phrase "I can't draw", when clearly stick men are drawings... xD
But yes, art is different and comes in a variety of forms, so drawing should never be the only art you parctice. ^^" ~
"You won't get better until you pick up that pencil and use it. :3" ~
"Hearing "I can't draw" all the time that I have ended up getting tired of it. Everyone can draw, everyone has their own style. Even a line on a paper is art, just some splats on a music paper is also art. Art is what so meets the eye, there are no "correct" way draw, you just let your inspiration go through the pencil and let it out on the paper." ~
"Anyone who believes in this stamp is doomed when it comes to art. If you can't believe in your own ability to get better and give up when things get tough then you'll never move forward.
One of the worst things you can do is compare yourself to someone completely out of your current range of abilities. Start at the bottom and build up and NEVER be afraid to make a few mistakes along the way. Mistakes are one of the greatest teaching tools out there." ~
"Haha, I dunno about that! When I was a young(er) artist, a lot of people told me I sucked, and would nitpick just quite exactly what it was I sucked at. I took it all with a grain of salt, but at the same time I took it seriously. If someone said the head of my character was lopsided, or if his chest looked wonky, then I'd have an idea of what to improve on!
And look at me now :3!" ~
"Indeed I do, It's just nice to get feedback from others when you post things. Nobody ever said I was bad,people just don't say anything at all.It's nice to at least hear a "good job" on this, or a "work on this" sort of thing. Stuff that actually helps improve artistic ability. I don't upload to DA often just because I don't get any helpful feed back, so I keep my stuff in my personal circles. Thanks for the concern/support, it's good to hear!" ~ and the responses:
"If you want comments that will actually improve your abilities, you're looking in the wrong place. Deviantart is full of asspats, can't get a legitimate critique (you're lucky if you can get a comment that's longer than 3 words) to save your life." ~
"also I'd like to mention that, you're really young and your skills will be improving with the past of the time. Of course, that if you keep practicing... a LOT.
Don't worry, seeing by your gallery you have good skills, you just need to take some tips and learn some drawing techniques.... I suggest drawing, painting, illustration and maybe comic classes, all of them, it doesn't matter how good you become you will always find something new to learn and you will always have something to improve.
Literature is really good btw, you may want to look after groups here on DA, most people here are anime fans, so if there's not cute drawings to see, they won't be interested... for literature enthusiasts you will have to look more deep here!
Good luck and don't give up!" ~
"That is so true We weren't born artists. Heck, I can start drawing right now, but I don't like it myself " ~
"So true. "Talent" is 99% elbow grease." ~
I also hate it when people are talking about "having the gift" or things like that. Being good at drawing is only hard work." ~
"Life isn't about "winning". It's about being yourself and learning to like yourself the way you are. When you do, people will like you better. Nothing to do with bad luck. You are making some of these things happen by being down on yourself and by hating the people around you. When you start growing up and being a little less self-centered, things will go better for you.
Try volunteering, to help people who are far worse off than you (maybe homeless kids?). It will change your perspective. Also, try making friends with shy girls. They can be a lot better friends than the conceited popular ones."~ RE
"Know what your problem is bud? You have a negative attitude about yourself, try changing that to a more positive one by saying to yourself I can Do this I can Win this I will win this, and the thing is you keep trying and trying until you get it right, NEVER EVER GIVE UP.
I was once your age a long time ago and I had a negative attitude about myself but you know what kept me going, I refused to give up, Luck? I don't generally believe in luck, you either got to be at the right place at the right moment or otherwise you're going to miss out, You are a young man and you have a long life ahead you, you still have many obstacle to overcome, you know you overcome obstacles? CONFIDENCE, my son.
Being confident, know that you can do that you have never done in your life. you know when I was a young boy I wanted to fly a helicopter, and when I got older I joined the U.S Army trained as a Helicopter mechanic And I got me a little stick time on a helicopter. I hope this helps ya out bud, and if ya didn't have bad luck you wouldn't have no luck at all don't ya think. Just remember think positive and you might get positive results" ~ Tom Dickas
Your question was “why do I have bad luck?” I am going to say something that might make you mad, but I hope you read the rest of my post as I hope to give you some hope. I am going to tell you that you are “VERY PESSIMISTIC”.
I read your post and I didn’t see any bad luck. I saw good luck for all those around you but not once did you say anything about having your car stolen, house burnt down, dog ran over, wife left you, child died, bad health or lost your job. It sounds like you are jealous of the people around you that have good luck.
Let me ask you this question: If you had to choose between having everything handed to you for the rest of your life OR having to work for everything you get, which would you choose? I am almost 50 and for most of my life, I have had to work for everything I have and I am still working, day in to day out for what I have and what I want. Like you, I have had friends and relatives that seem to just fall into “Good Luck” every time they turn around, several are millionaires. TODAY, I look at their lives and my life and I wouldn’t trade places with any one of them. They may have a larger home or drive a nicer car, but funny thing is, they are not happy! Their children are for the most part selfish, rude and couldn’t care for anyone, including their parents. Their relationship with their wife, if they are still married is rocky at best – it is more like they just live in the same house because of the money. Most are cheating on their wives, cheating on their employers and turn out not to be very good friends that you wouldn’t count on.
I was like you when I was in my 20’s. Felt I was owed something and l should just wake up one day with tons of money, a nice car, beautiful wife and everyone respects me. Year after year past and nothing, into my 30’s and nothing. THEN ONE DAY, I had a self awakening. I won’t get into the details, but I came to the conclusion that I didn’t need to worry about what other people had what I didn’t have, but worry about changing my own life and what I needed to do to make that happen. I adopted several life principals that I still live by today and will share with you now.
1) Don’t lose the lesson when you lose in life.
To me this meant that I needed to understand what it meant to lose something, how that makes me fell and GROW from that experience. I use to sit and moan and cry why this happen, but I never thought about how to keep it from happening again and I would make the same mistakes. Or I acted poorly and lost the respect of others around me by the way I took the loss.
2) Great Love and Great Achievement, Requires Great Risk.
This is something I say to myself every day now, because I never took chances when I was young. I didn’t want to get hurt or become embarrassed in front of others. So I sat and watched everyone else get what they wanted and I thought to myself, ‘they have such great luck’. BUT it wasn’t luck; they were taking a chance for what they wanted. Some had luck, yes, like the ones I talked about above, who know have the messed up lives, but the others that were like me, were taking chances for what they wanted. Over time, I changed my outlook on life, I started to take chances – take risk and I found that the greater the risk I took the greater the payout. Yes, at times I failed, but when I did, I went back to life principal #1, DON’T LOSE THE LESSON. I would think about what I did and try again.
Carl, You’re first line said Girls like to choose other guys over you. I am going to lay some money on the line and say, I doubt you asked them out or if you did and they said no, you didn’t ask again. Then they went out with another guy and you feel like it is bad luck. I bet this just happened to you within the last week ?! I was always the same way, I am a ‘nice guy’ and as we are always told, ‘nice guys finish last’. I am telling you it doesn’t have to be that way. I started to take changes in my late 30’s and I took a “BIG RISK” and found the most perfect woman in the world. I would still be sitting at home playing Playstation if I didn’t make some big life changes.
I have applied the same principal in all areas of my life. If I ‘need’ something, I ask for it. If I ‘want’ something, I work for it. AND I look at my life today; wife, child, home, good job, happiness and I am content! I am a better person for working for what I want, not having it handed to me. I am happy and I show it. I listen to my friends who had everything handed to them when they were young and they are not happy, they would tell you that and best of all, they now look at me and are jealous of my life.
Carl, Don’t worry about what other have. YOU make the difference in your life. Take Risks in Love and Life and don’t lose the lessons when you have set backs. Do this and contact me when your 30 and tell me how everything turned out. I have a feeling you will be just fine." ~ Mark